Wednesday, 16 May 2018

Seven things I want when I die

When I die I want the following at my funeral:

1. My West Ham shirt collection to be given away, one shirt to anyone who turns up, and worn throughout
2. My wife (if she survives me) or failing her then the most English person you can find, to read out, WB Yeats poem "Easter 1916"
3. Play this scene from my favourite film
4. A three-legged race knock-out competition.
5. As many people as possible to turn up on bikes
6. A complete play-through of Achtung Baby to play in the background of the wake
7. This clip to be played



Friday, 20 April 2018

George Clooney's blood vein with a baby swordfish

Sometimes you have to have something that's just for you. Wise words, and obviously not my own.

Most thoughts that I have, indeed most thoughts we all have, come from somewhere else, someone else. That doesn't make them any less true, convincing or relevant. Whatever your name is, there will be someone else called that. Google it, you'll see. I've not got that common a name, but there are about 10 of me in the world that I know about. Even if you had a thousand namesakes you are still you.

It's like that with thoughts. You just need to own them and be happy with them. Otherwise you'll turn into an anxious wreck. That's your truth. But don't try and tell me mine.

It's easy to get dragged into other people's versions of what you should or shouldn't be doing. There are a few eternal thought circles which I let turn in my head. Here's one. Should your football team play a system that suits the players you have, or should you pick players that fit into the system you want to play?

Here's another. Should you try and please people or not give a fuck? Which is right and which will make you happy? Please don't write in.

Then there's the endless "too fast for this lot, but too slow for that lot" conundrum. How to do groups when you don't really do groups. That's what makes being a football fan so good. You can stand in a stadium with 60,000 like-minded people, all rooting for the same team. But hate most of them.

So I've been thinking about the west coast. Not the one that everyone knows. And cycling of course, and how I want to approach it. The truth is, I've got sucked into other people's version of what is fun. And it isn't anymore. It's hard to explain without offending people.

I am planning on riding up a few hills in the late Summer. It's going to be hard, and I need to lose a bit of timber in the interim. So I'm doing my best to cut out the crappy food, do my HIIT sessions at the gym, and ride the heavy bikes now to build a bit of leg strength.

I'll also need to maintain my endurance, and ride up even more hills. But I also want it to be fun, social, coffee, chatting, etc. and that, for me means I can't do fast. Well, not the balls-out, testosterone-fuelled, macho stuff the group I ride with is morphing into. Sorry peeps, life too short for that for me.



You go your way, and I'll go mine. All that. I don't need to compete with you, jeez, I've stopped even competing with me. This is not about not being able to cut the mustard on a panel game. Or an elitist prank. Each to their own I say. But sometimes, you just have to find something that's just for you.

So should I do more riding on my own?


Probably not. Just ride some bumpy Audax, some hilly commutes and some social rides with like-minded people. It would be good to have you along if you fancy that kind of thing. Sometimes it will be the people, sometimes the system.

Like I say, sometimes you need something that's just for you.




Monday, 2 April 2018

Love has got to fight for its existence

Sometimes life is hard. But most of the time, for most of us, we all drift along on some kind of autopilot, and miss all the good things that are busy smacking us in the face. It's a theme I return to again, and again on these pages. Today is no exception, because as Richard Bach once said, and Bono copied, you tend to preach the things you most need to learn.

Easter is supposed to be about new life, new flowers and sunshine. Somehow that message hasn't quite made it into most of the weather department, because conditions here in the UK are still dreadful. Cold, wet, dark and potentially gloomy.


But this Easter has been one of the best I have ever had. On Friday, my wife and I enjoyed the delightful company of my sister, who is also a Sister in the NHS. An inspirational woman to so many people, whether she knows it or not.

On Saturday, I enjoyed a day out in London with my brother, a man so kind he was prepared to smile and be cheerful as my team spanked his team, and he sat and watched from amongst my tribe.





Then yesterday, the rain stopped for a few hours, Steve came out to play, and Alan gave generously of his company, coffee and cake to accompany me around an intriguing route in Somerset. We both enjoyed it so much more for the dry conditions, and had a little chuckle at the Rule fivers that had been out on previous days. No doubt they were watching the skies enviously from their family engagements, wishing they could have our weather.



We climbed Westbury quarry, descended Old Bristol Hill, took back ways to Bruton and enjoyed everything across the levels, including the coffee in Glastonbury. The pictures don't do it justice.




Meanwhile, far, far away, junior is enjoying himself, learning to be independent, and today, Mrs Mendip Rouleur and I are off for an exclusive day out of our own. It may be raining again, but I don't care as I'll be in a car and indoors, spending time with the one I love.

Maybe we all need to stop moaning.

Life my friends, is too short to waste. Am I boring you? Well you better get used to it, because I'm not going to stop.

Friday, 9 February 2018

Did Chris Froome cheat?

Asthma. A subject I'm reasonably familiar with as I have had the condition to varying degrees since I was a child. I can honestly say it's probably the only thing I would change about myself if I could.

Then there is Chris Froome, a subject I know little about, but in common with most armchair enthusiasts, it's not going to stop me having an opinion. I have admired his achievements but I'm not particularly a fan. He's too good, not enough frailty in a cycling sense, and lacks that approachability in his public persona for my taste.

I once saw him come past me at a frankly blistering pace atop the Port de Pailheres, on his way to winning the yellow jersey at Ax Trois Domaines, on a very hot day in  2013. He was so fast that I only caught his name from the typing on his jersey.




Of course, the asthma and Froome are now inextricably linked. I know that Salbutamol is often used as a masking agent for other performance-enhancing drugs, but I also know that if you have asthma it's nearly impossible to get an advantage over people who don't have it by taking more and more of the stuff.

Let me explain what Asthma is like. It's an autoimmune condition, meaning the body's own defences, designed to attack foreign invaders, actually attack the body itself, leading to a constriction of the airways in your lungs, a reduced lung capacity, and difficulty breathing. The allergic response can be triggered by foreign bodies, like dust, cat hair, or (in my case) a virus, like a cold or flu virus. Which is why I get a free flu jab on the NHS every year.

The allergic response is not consistent and can vary in intensity and duration. When I was a kid if I got a cold, I was bed-bound for a fortnight, as I could barely get enough oxygen into my lungs to walk to the end of the room. Every breath was a struggle. On a few occasions I have had to use the services of a nebuliser, a device where a mask is placed over your mouth and nose, and you inhale a gaseous form of salbutamol and steroids for a 10 minute period.

On quite a few occasions I have had to take oral steroids to cope with an attack, and on times too numerous to count I have had to resort to my blue reliever of Ventolin (the proprietary name for salbutamol). I also have an inhaler that pumps a little bit of steroid (50mg per puff) into my lungs. I'm supposed to take it every day, and when I do it does make a bit of difference. But I often forget, and I don't like taking drugs really, they remind me of my weakness.

Generally the fitter I am, the less severe the asthma. But if I put extreme stress on my body, it can trigger exercise-induced asthma. But no matter how fit I am, or how much sleep I have had, or how much weight I've lost, or how good my diet is, my lung capacity will never be as good as an equivalent specimen as me without asthma. Never. No matter what drugs I take.

So has Chris Froome been cheating? Of course it depends on how you define that. If he has been using salbutamol to mask other drug-taking then of course he has. Normally it would be easy, has he broken the rules? But because asthma is so complex, the rules around it are very ambiguous, shades of nuance on top of shades of grey, with multiple options. Which is why it is taking so long.

My gut feel is that he probably took too many puffs because he was gasping for breath. But that is a hypothesis with no evidence. Whatever the reality, we will probably never know and he will probably always protest innocence. But before you condemn him too harshly , try stuffing a few cotton wall balls in your mouth, wrap a towel over your mouth and nose and then cycle up a vey big hill in 30C heat. That's what asthma is like.

Tuesday, 5 December 2017

My head's above the rain and roses

They say things come in threes. You know, them. Those that know these things. I hope they're right. I've had three bike-related incidents this year, one in the mountains, one on the ice, and one in a car with a garage door. Don't ask.

But this year has also three sad departures of people I have known and worked with. Not best buddies, but people I liked, respected and admired. One of whom used to arrive on his bike at about the same time as me at work, and work was the last thing we talked about.

48 years old. No words can really express the desperate sadness of this type of thing, no matter how often they are repeated. And as something I saw said recently, when you are dead, you don't know you are dead. It is difficult only for the others.

It is the same when you are stupid.

I'll let that sink in for a bit.

 


Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Meanwhile, keep breathing.

Saturday, 25 November 2017

Six reasons why a mandatory helmet law is a bad idea

Beliefs. Opinions. Values. Attitudes. All that malarkey, I fear I'm about to be engulfed by a tidal wave of them. But before that happens I thought I'd turn my keyboard to a little solid evidence from some research.

On the subject of cycle helmets. This article gives more background, and included within it are its sources, links to various other articles, and critically, the real research behind the six reasons I'm going to set out below. I've chosen six because there are never any lists with six things in it, but in reality the true number is a lot bigger.

I hope my more logical friends will be proud of me.

Six reasons why introducing a mandatory helmet law is a bad idea.

1. It puts people off cycling

Study after study after study, shows cycling is good for you. If you make it harder, or people perceive it is, they won't do it. "As easy as riding a bike", isn't that what they say? If you make people have to wear helmets, fewer will ride bikes. And all the evidence from places where they have done that proves that. The cost of that is more heart attacks, cancer Type 2 diabetes, with all the health damage that ensues.

2. They don't help that much

Helmets don't actually protect you from the injuries you are likely to get from falling of by yourself, in those circumstances it's broken arms, hips, collar bones and (as I know) dislocated shoulders. They do help you if your head hits a windscreen, but not if a car wheel goes over your head. Most injuries sustained by cyclists where motor vehicles are involved are to legs, abdomen and chest. And making a cyclist wear a helmet isn't going to help there, better to focus on the cause of the accidents - driver behaviour.

3. They cause no reduction in head injuries

Evidence from Australia, New Zealand and other places with mandatory laws has actually shown head injuries to cyclists going up...

4. Other groups are more at risk

Like car drivers & passengers, pedestrians, even football players. If one activity is singled out, what is that about? Some perception of the need for fairness, rather than carefully thought-through requirement for public safety?

5. Rotational force

Most severe head injuries that cyclists suffer are to do with rotational force not impact. Helmets might actually make this worse, they certainly can't protect you from it

6. Risk compensation

Lots of evidence that cyclists alter their behaviour because they perceive they are actually protected by their helmet, which actually makes them more likely to have an accident and an injury. (see also - a helmet saved my life!)

I wear one? Why? Well for the same reason that I wear anything on the bike, to fit in with the tribe, colour-co-ordinate and look stylish of course. I am under no illusion that it will help me much if a brain-dead idiot runs into me, or if I mis-judge that hairpin on the way down the Peyresourde.

Happy pedalling!

Sunday, 12 November 2017

Dream

Dream. What a word that is. A command? A noun? A hope? The stuff that goes on in your head in the night, weird, wonderful or frightening. Sometimes all three at the same time.



Right now I should be putting some air in my tyres and water in my bottles and heading out into the fresh air I purport to love. I popped my head out the door twenty minutes ago and the biting wind and bitter temperature was enough to snuff out my wilting enthusiasm for a bike ride. It wasn't high to start with. Such a contrast to this time last year.

And I have big dreams of accomplishment on the bike for 2018. Right now these seem a long way away, as I slothfully type away and contemplate my increasing waistline and conjoined heart disease risk. Especially as I've done fewer miles so far this year compared to any year since forever. 2013 anyway.

Part of this was by design. Fewer but better miles accompanied by gym work, losing weight and a focus on power. For a time it was all working. And the results came with it. But like most examples of under-performance and decline, it starts in your head.

And that's where it still rests.

The search for excuses is easy, and I have a good selection to choose from. There's a lot going on. This week has been very busy and crashing the car into a garage door doesn't help. Especially as it was all my own work. Or all of the other busy, stressful and complicated and things going on around me. I remarked this time last year that life seems to be getting faster and more complicated as I get old. Which seems to be a reversal of what I perceived to be the natural order of things.

I've always needed new experiences and get bored easily. And when faced with a cold wind, how easy is it to turn to the comfort of the TV and the sofa?

I'm not complaining. No, really. I have a very good life in comparison to 99.99% of the people on this planet.  I still have a life, a good one. I really know its preciousness. November 5th always reminds me of that. Yes, I meant the 5th.

So as ever, what's to be done. A rest? Some mountain biking? More music?

I'm not looking for your answers, well-meant though they will be. I'm trying to understand my complex, devious and clever self-sabotaging mind, and writing about it helps. This is not a time for incisive analysis through asking the right questions. I don't want platitudes, helpful but well-meant suggestions, or any parallels with your situation.

Only I can do this.

I might start by going for a good walk after breakfast. At least I'll be in the fresh air I purport to love.

Or I might just wallow for a bit. And dream.